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DEALING WITH CRITICISM THAT STUCK
Dear William
I attended a couple of your recent workshop- one being the Holistic Leadership, which I really enjoyed and got a lot from! But I have an issue that I need some help with!
I ran a mini- workshop in a primary school this week. And it was the ‘trouble maker/ know- it -all’ that I found difficult to handle!! It was fine in the actual workshop- and I can give myself a pat on the back for dealing with it as best I could in the class situation. But it’s the after effect that I’m struggling with. This person gave me really negative criticizing feedback and out of all the positive I’m finding it hard to shake off the negative! I’ve been honest with myself and looked at her feedback as a tool for improving my teaching and admit that some of it is fair constructive criticism- but I cant shake off the feeling that she was there to put me down- and from her very detailed feedback she seemed to take some enjoyment in picking apart the whole workshop!
She obviously tapped in to some of my insecurities and has really pushed some buttons! I’d appreciate any advice.
A:
Thanks for writing.
Yes! What a horrible situation. Shall I go kill her for you?
It is always the one person who criticizes and therefore causes fear and anxiety who is remembered. I have seen many very well known speakers come off a podium and only remember their critics and not the support. This is basic reptilian survival stuff. It is a totally normal reaction to remember the criticism and threat, and not the positive feedback.
The lesson right now for you is to clearly recognise is that the criticism caused you anxiety and some fear. This has frozen your body in a fight-flight-fright response. You need to shake, scream, swim, move, dance, rave – all to move the frozen energy. You need to feel yourself pushing back at her any energy that she might have dumped on you. And then seal up your energy field.
Then, with tenderness, give your brain cells some attention. They are probably obsessing about the criticism. They need some loving attention, sympathetic, listening, internal dialogue, allowing closure. Sit quietly and turn your awareness to the matter inside your skull. You will be able to feel the subtle head-ache feelings that go with compulsive thoughts. Turn your focus towards that part of your head and direct soft healing towards it. This is a subtle process and may take a while.
Finally, at a mental/intellectual level: Hear any constructive feedback. Reject any dumping. In general: Nurture your normal insecurity with careful understanding.
Hope this helps.
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